They say that lightening does not strike twice in the same place, but I am not so sure
Yesterday I was waiting at the Asda Bus Stance for the Number 38 service to Edinburgh. The briar was
going very well and, thinking myself mostly alone, I was trying out various smoking postures including a statuesque "both
hands behind the back, chest and pipe thrust forward" effort which I felt had a slightly military bearing.
Anyway, once again I heard the sound of 'bus approach and swung smartly round to observe it unaware
that an old female pensioner had shuffled forward behind me in anticipation of the 'buses arrival. Startled by my glowing
protuberance whipping round at head height the poor old biddy staggered and fell backwards and lay there, legs akimbo, on
the floor. Fortunately her fall had been somewhat cushioned by the two large white sliced loaves in her carrier bag. Distraught,
I leant forwards and grabbing her hands in mine and attempted to haul her upright - however, the old girl was heavier than
I expected and the principle of the level operated and I tumbled forward and lay horizontally, shockingly, between her spread
legs with my face nuzzling lovingly under her chin.
After a while we managed to untangle ourselves and regained our vertical composure. I was profuse in
my apologies but she only said "Oooch, not to worry hen ! That's the most fun I've had since ma man died ... and that was
in 1945 !". My chagrin was complete when I considered the spectacle observed by the passengers on the arriving Number 38.
They had not only seen me apparently attempting sexual congress in broad daylight with a senior citizen, but, even worse,
utilising for that purpose the "missionary position" - they must have thought I had no imagination at all ! As a sexual athlete
I would have barely qualified for the Special Olympics.
Chastened, I made my way home with my tail between my legs and my pipe well and truly extinguished.