They say you always remember your fist time, so I'd like to tell you what happened when I tried my
very first pipe a short time ago.
A newly-bought supply of Kendal Cream in my pocket I set out for a short trip to Glasgow, believing
that my first smoking attempts should probably be outdoors for safety reasons. Despite a howling gale and horizontal rain
I was making quite good progress puffing away while standing at the X37 'bus stop in Falkirk's Upper Newmarket Street when,
lulled into a contemplative mood by the aroma, I suddenly became aware that the 'bus was approaching rapidly and that I'd
have to somehow put the pipe out before boarding.
Now, I don't know what the "official" procedure is here but I somehow got it into my mind that I should
knock it out on my heel - maybe I saw this in an old film ? Anyway, I raised one foot into the air and took a hurried swipe
at it with the briar. Needless to say, not being as lithe as I once was, I collapsed sideways into the gutter like a pole-axed
camel. A few moments of unconsciousness were apparently enough for the 'bus to discharge its passengers and continue on its
way, dousing me with foetid water for good measure. Eventually I was able to get unsteadily to my feet and stagger home, wet,
dirty and disoriented. Luckily, this is not an uncommon sight in Falkirk and so no comment was made.
Anyway, from what I recall of it I enjoyed my first pipe, and shall continue undaunted !